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Another Exhibit at the Museum of Darkness

Cranberry Sin describes himself as an itch you can't scratch. "At least not publicly!" He is a guerilla for dignity and likes to combine lovesickness with depraved populist energy to make you want to solve humanity's dirty puzzle on your own.

I’m confused at what I’m looking at

Something happened

I don’t know what specifically

No one clearly appears to be at blame

Was it a crusade?

A mission to save lives?

Or bring vengeance?

None of that makes sense

I can see a little figure intended to look dead

While other mechanical figures give white shrouds to foreigners

Their backs turned to their city

Were they gathered from buried ancestors?

And were they given to those who would celebrate

With a bottle of sherry

The murder of those who were buried?

And if I listen closely

I can hear what sounds like clicks from the bisht of the dead man

It might just be my own heart beating though

Is there something that can help me understand?

In the previous room a video plays Forbes 30 Under 30

And you can listen to a man describe the path he took to the Janiculum Hill

To drink cheap Lambrusco wine

While overlooking Rome at sunset

A magic carpet guided him to such a serene experience

This carpet is the exiled relative of the magic carpet purchased by Prince Husain

Learn more about this in the One Thousand and One Nights exhibit

Found at this museum’s competitor

But this museum makes more money than that museum!

For example, this museum presents a depiction of al-Ghazali’s slave market interpretation of the Houris

There are seventy-two actual sex slaves here

They have the honor of being voluntold

To participate in such a historic exhibit

Thanks to the generous donation of the Epstein Victims’ Compensation Program

Museum goers don’t have to grow bored looking at seventy-two white raisins

Such an exhibit can be found at the Museum of Light

And it’s based on Christoph Luxenberg’s interpretation of the Houris

One can even buy a box of simple raisins in their giftshop!

And there are seventy-two in each box

I turn my head slightly from the Act of Betrayal To One’s Ancestors diorama

And settle on the diorama next to it called Gold Mine With An Unwelcome Guest

I pick up a plastic imitation of a glass root beer bottle and put it into a slot per museum design

And I watch the interactive Rube Golberg diorama activate

A mechanized man takes a swig of a little bottle

He drops the bottle

And then he advances towards an elevator and descends

When he steps off the elevator into the mine

He is given a cart from another mechanized man

Inside the cart is a firefly and a time-worn bisht

The man reenters the elevator

And with a crackling voice seemingly recorded by Edouard-Leon Scott de Martinville himself

You can hear the mechanical man say, “A bisht!? But I want gold!”

He descends

He gets off the elevator

Finds the gold he was looking for

And he puts it in his cart

But a large and very real spider bites the mechanical man

Causing the mechanical figure to “die” with a visible collapse into the cart,

Which is sent back to the elevator

And after it ascends

A new mechanical man emerges by means of a mechanical hand so subtle

You would think it was veiled in scrim

The cart falls sideways after crashing at the end of its track and its contents spill

Then the mechanical hand removes the cart from the scene

And then brings a new little bisht and firefly to the cart within the mine

In simultaneity with the cart removal, a sign lights up

“Take the little bisht home as a souvenir and also feed our actor with the insect.”

With an arrow pointing to where the cart used to be and the firefly and little bisht remain,

I notice a second sign by a little door at the exterior of the diorama near the lower level of the mine

It reads, “Open the door and feed our actor.”

I pick up the firefly and enclose it in my palm

I move towards the door but hesitate

I step back

I can hear the Forbes video in the background

I wait until someone else enters the exhibit

They put the plastic bottle in the slot

The diorama comes alive

Well, some parts of it are already alive

Another firefly and bisht in the cart

Another mechanical man “dies” from the spider

I watch as a person takes in their palm a firefly and bisht

Just like I did

I watch them find the second sign

And that person hesitates in front of the little door

Only, this time, the door is opened

The spider immediately bites the person

And then grabs the firefly

Museum staff quickly respond to the screaming that follows

The spider closes the door

I return to the diorama and see a new sign has lit up


At the Museum of Light

They have a similar diorama

Or so I’ve heard

Its set in the future though

You can turn a living spider into a strangely colored glass bottle

In the diorama a mechanical woman pockets money

And then she uses a 3D printer to fashion spider parts with glass into bottles

She then travels to the past using a little chamber intended to be a time machine

It moves horizontally and the scene changes through the aid of mechanical hands

She sells her bottles to a vendor who hands her money

She goes back to the future so to speak with money in hand

The series of events end

A light turns on and a sign is illuminated

It reads, “Turn an evil spider into a glass jar and then pour yourself some root beer.”

All in all, it sounds stupid and lazy

Why can’t I stop the industry that turns spiders into bottles?

That’s gross!

I have never been to the Museum of Light

I have no time for their hypocrisy and scapegoats

I am here at the Museum of Darkness

And before I leave,

I will watch a few more rounds of the dioramas at work

I found that there is a mechanical hand in the first diorama that actually strips the dead figure

And provides a new bisht to dress him with for the next museumgoer

And there is a tiny sign that lights up in the first diorama

But only when the second diorama’s signs are also lit

“You have achieved victory at the expense of another. Congrats, you are a merciless taskmaster.”

I left the little bisht right on that sign

And I let that firefly free outside upon leaving the museum


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